DOs and DON’Ts of Seeing an Escort

This is an update to a guide that I wrote in 2010 with the assistance of my favourite Vancouver ladies: The Naughty Assistant, Holly Taylor, April, and Beautiful Anna.

DO:

  • Be respectful in all communication.  A nice email that says more than “45, male, attractive, 6 foot, need appointment Sunday at 3” goes a very long way. Introduce yourself, be polite as you would with anyone else you had never met.  Remember they are a person and would probably appreciate knowing more about you than your age and height before agreeing to meet you, a stranger. Provide all information they request for screening and in this era, expect to be asked about your vaccination status. There are plenty who won’t, but it is not an uncommon question right now.
  • Read the provider’s website.  The night before your appointment give it another look over, so you know how and where they wants you to handle the envelope and any other important ‘policies’ they may have.  If they have an etiquette page, give it a read as well.  It’s there to make things go smoothly for everyone involved. A provider’s website is not only a marketing tool for them, but a tool for you to use to help your visit go smoothly.
  • Follow all instructions the provider gives you regarding their location whether its a private residence, hotel, or apartment building. If you have questions, do not ask them standing in the lobby of their hotel. Standing around in the lobby on your phone looking confused is very obvious.
  • Follow the lead of the session being respectful and mindful of the provider’s boundaries.
  • Keeping the last point in mind, be clear about what you want. I do not mean sit there and list acronyms, but no one is a mind reader. If you want something that isn’t happening, ask. If it is unavailable, it is unavailable.
  • Take a shower either before the appointment or at it if offered.  The night before you see a provider, please trim your fingers and toenails.  Being scratching by someone with ragged toenails/fingernails is a big turn off.  A good tip I’ve heard is to prepare for it as you would any other date where you think you are getting sex.
  • Manscaping. This does not necessarily mean trimming or shaving — even washing your bush with a nice scented shampoo goes a long way. If you are trimming or shaving, you should do it the day before the appointment in case of accident. And don’t forget to moisturise. Cerave makes a great oil free unscented lotion that you can use on your entire body (including your face).
  • Bring your own condoms JUST IN CASE.  Make sure they are in an unopened box.  Be prepared and expect to use theirs, but it is always good to have your own — this especially applies if you have a particularly unique condom need for legitimate reasons.
  • Clean up your residence or hotel room if having them over for an outcall.  Even if you just stick things in a closet, it’s the thought that counts and will only take you 5-10 minutes to make a much better first impression.

DONT:

  • Brush your teeth or floss prior to your appointment.  My dentist says 4 hours before is fine but anything after that is risky. It may tear the lining of your mouth increasing exposure to STIs.  Brush your teeth the morning of the appointment, avoid pungent foods, and use mouthwash and gum prior to your appointment. If you do eat pungent foods such as garlic or onions before the appointment please just politely apologise in advance because no amount of mouthwash or gum will cover it up completely.  It’s better to say, “Hey I’m sorry I had some lasagna for lunch and didn’t even think of the garlic” than to surprise a provider with it later. You can get mouthwash at any drug store or gas station and there’s no excuse not to have and use some before you go into a hotel.
  • Slather yourself in scent.  My rule is this:  If you want a tongue to touch it then cologne, aftershave, or deodorant should not be on it.  Not only can this taste awful, ingesting certain tolietries could cause stomach aches or worse for the provider. A touch of cologne behind the ears and on the wrists is fine, and deodorant on your underarms is great – but on your chest, testicles, or penis…nope!  I will say this though:  A little cologne in the ass crack itself is fine if you sweat a lot.
  • Barter or haggle. Unless you are at a brothel, the rate is the rate. I’ll make a guide like this for brothel negotiations at a later date and link it here.
  • Use their toilet for anything except peeing, no matter what.  Do it in the hotel lobby, do it in a nearby restaurant.  I do not care where you do it as long as it’s not her bathroom. While we’re at it – please do not shave or pee in the shower.  We know when you do this and we have to clean our shower every time you do. It’s fine at home, I’m sure most people do it – but not in someone’s shower that they have to clean after each use.
  • Bring food, drink, or flowers UNLESS you’ve cleared it with them first or their website says it’s okay. I know these are typically nice surprises, but they are not always nice for those who cannot have them.  It may make them feel awkward if they needs to turn them down either due to allergies or a special diet (i.e. diabetes, celiac). This includes alcohol – some providers do not drink with clients (even if the bottle is sealed) so clear it with them first if the website does not make it clear. On the flip side, many providers LOVE these things so do not write off the idea of bringing them just because you can’t surprise them – just ASK! Many providers have what they like suitors to bring on their website so this shouldn’t be an issue to find the right item. Your generosity is always appreciated by the provider as its nice when someone takes the time to do something extra special for you.
  • Bring up other providers or forums.  This tends to turn into a gossip session, rather than casual conversation.  Likewise, if they starts gossiping about other providers/forums then try to steer the conversation in another direction. Try not to talk negatively about other providers when possible.
  • Ask a provider how many clients they have seen that day or if you’re the first client of the day. Even if the answer is what you’re wanting to hear, this isn’t really appropriate conversation material.
  • Do not ask personal questions about their real life. There’s a fine line between curiosity/”getting to know you” and being invasive. And this one goes both ways — if you feel the provider is starting to pry – simply steer the conversation elsewhere or tell them up front you are not comfortable with the questions.
  • Ask for bareback services.  Even if it’s to “test their reaction”, don’t do it.  You may end up offending the provider, ruining a great session, and costing yourself a good reference in the future. Not to mention, you may scare them.  If you’re asking them – who else are you asking?  Saying it was a “test” is a horrible excuse.  I cannot describe the feeling of ice water through your veins when you hear the words “without a condom”.
  • Overstay your welcome.  What you book is what you get.  While most ladies will not be staring at the clock and are lenient, most will also not want to have to ask you to leave.  It is awkward, and can make a provider feel very uncomfortable.  You are in their space, please respect that.  Do not take advantage of a provider’s generosity.  You are buying time, do not try and get something for nothing.  If you want more time, book a longer visit.  I do not stare at the clock personally, nor do I deduct showers from your time (you get one before and after).  I find it very rude to not meet me halfway by being courteous and respecting my time.
  • Use a BS excuse to cancel.  If you changed your mind, just tell the provider.  Treat them the way you want to be treated.  Don’t under explain, don’t over explain. Rescheduling is almost always better than cancelling if you simply had something come up.
  • Do not wait until the absolute last second to cancel.  Remember we often turn down other appointments at the same time for you – if you have to cancel and you do it early enough we may be able to make up the lost appointment. Also, many charge cancellation fees and while they won’t go after you for not paying them there can be consequences (i.e. a certain screening site will issue a warning against your account if you refuse to pay fees and you can lose your account after a certain number of these warnings).
  • Promise things you won’t or can’t deliver whether it’s another appointment, a review, or some kind of present/tip. You owe a provider nothing aside from the donation – there is no need to try and promise them the world.

Can you think of anything I missed? @ me on Twitter! Hopefully this guide will help you on your quest to see a provider. Have fun!